We are on the hooker side of houston, so we are out here! We walked forever yest & I was sooo tired, just couldn't go anymore...so we "borrowed" a shopping cart from one of the many homeless, & paulie pushed me down main st. We were laughing all the way! I am blogging from my phone, so idk if the picture will get sent...hope so. It was so hilarious...him pushing me with my bag on his shoulder. It was fun though...I felt like buddy the elf. Hahaha. So, I had appt, not a candidate 4 sugery. They said I am in more than the top 10% of excellent responses to chemo. She said I AM the very best they have seen. They also recommend radiation at some point also. So, we are going 2 galveston to have FUN! I am DONE with all this cancer crap..goin on my honeymoon! I can't wait 2 get there & feel the sand in my toes!!! Ahhhh, to smell the salty air & hear the waves crashing in, there is nowhere I feel closer 2 God than the beach...heaven on earth! So...cheers to my romantic getaway...Salute!

Those are raindrops on my head btw.

I woke up to this picture this morning....aren't they so sweet? I love my little doodlebug so much! I want him to stay a boy forever :)

So then I made my coffee, changed it up and was front porch sitting...due to the rain. I was so happy, I love the rain. I was trying to remember how it felt when I was little and played for hours in it. Then I said to myself, " self, why are you sitting here watching the rain? You should go out there and be in it again!" So I walked out by the cornfield, held my arms out, closed my eyes, face to the sky. It was AWESOME! It was so cool and refreshing. I felt like part of this earth, felt so close to God. I stood there forever. Then I ran down the driveway stomping and splashing in the puddles, soaking wet in my pajamas. I was giggling, it was so much fun. So...if anyone from Fletcher drove by and witnessed this display, I am not crazy, I was just loving life at the moment. lol.

Well, I have to get to gettin. So much to do before I leave for Houston! I am really excited to get there!!! I am hoping it won't be so hot, thanks to hurricane Bonnie. I think she was down-graded though. Adios amigos! Will let you all know anything, as I get any new info.

P.S. I am so thankful for 100% human hair fake eyelashes! They are my new best friend :) hahaha. LOVE THEM!

P.P.S. Cindy, I would actually prefer Hillary to be the president right now. LOL! Can't believe I just wrote those words. So good to hear from you. I love it when people post comments, since I am not working it's nice to have this to look forward to.

P.P.P.S. Thanks for your comment JP...means a lot to me! Hope you are happy and doing well!

P.P.P.P.S. Deaton, I can't wait to see you again. You have no idea how much I love your visits. I love ya girl!!!

Jenni (Calvin) Edwards & me!


Our puppies playing in my
backyard;

Gus, my daughter Jessi's dog
Oliver, Jenni's dog-he's so big!
Oliver, my sweet baby boy.



Jenni came to visit me last night, YAY! I got to get on facebook(I am not on it) and see a bunch of people from high school. It was fun, brought back so many memories. We had a really nice visit, I love that girl!!!! I think it is so funny we named our dogs the same name! And I have to tell you...Amy Adkins-Retherford, you are beautiful! Inside and out! :)

I want to take a minute and thank, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, all of the kind people at Fletcher United Methodist Church! I hope someone from there is reading this and passes along how thankful and grateful I am for all of their Prayers, and the meals that keep coming! I know everyone has busy lives and times are hard economically. And to think that you are taking time and money to make these meals for myself and my family...I am humbled! Thank you-thank you-thank you! I want to especially like to thank Pastor Russ, I love your visits and prayers. And I appreciate you putting up with my multiple personality disorder that comes with the treatments. lol. I still haven't thought of a name for the "other" personality who emerges with chemo! How about Sybil? Have you ever seen that movie? She was NUTS! And that's how I feel after chemo.....PERFECT! hahahaha.

I am so glad chemo will be pushed back for my Texas trip. Wohooooo! So I will be feeling good for awhile! Oh, and I am so very excited, I upgraded to a cell phone where I can get on-line and all that junk. Hopefully I will learn quickly so I can blog while I am down there. I am getting way better with technology!

Hope you have a wonderful day today! Smile, it makes you feel happy!


Psalm 62:2 He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken!

Laura, Jenni, me, & Jill









Golfcart Drive-Thru at
Indian Lake


Hi everyone! I have very exciting news! Paul and I are heading to Houston to be evaluated at MD Anderson Cancer Center. I found out Friday, but as you can see from above, we were at Ashland University for Tyler's college orientation. I am so happy for him...his dorm is awesome. Just outside his dorm is the courtyard with basketball hoops and a huge area for students to hang out. There are pine trees that are so cool, they look like they are from a Dr. Seuss book. Paul loved them. We were telling Ty that we need to get him some silk pajamas and a robe for his lounge wear in the courtyard, because his dorm bldg. is called kilheffner. (like Hugh heffner, hahaha) And the facilities there are amazing! They have a brand new athletic complex/football stadium/track. It is beautiful!!! I can't wait for him to move in, he is going to LOVE it there!

Then, on Staurday Laura, Jenni, myself, and Jill went to Columbus and stayed overnight. It was WONDERFUL to be with my girls! And I was so happy that Laura and Jenni got to see eachother, we all worked/played together 14 years ago....but geographically have been unable to hang out together for a long time. So I am very very thankful for our time together. I have been missing Laura so much (she lives near Akron) and it was just what I needed! And thank you Jill for CRACKING ME UP!!! It was so funny, I laughed out loud for a long time, I am right now. We walked in the hotel hallway to get breakfast and decided to pull our pajama pants up to our boobs and Jill was walking with a shuffle and hunched over. This guy was walking toward us and stopped dead in his tracks when my sister turned and faced the wall at about 3 inches distance from her face and started "drawing" on the wall with her finger and mumbling. I started saying, "ok, thats enough...come on...you need to stop'" in a gentle, caring voice. I forgot that Jenni and I had our pants pulled up too. And I forgot I was BALD! I physically redirected her down the hallway and the man was plastered against the wall on the other side, very afraid for us to pass him. HAHAHAHAHA!!! I looked back and he was still staring back at us. heeheeehee. Maybe you had to be there, but it was fricking hilarious! We looked like we were out on a pass from the nuthouse. lol. Then we went to Indian Lake Sunday, ate a Tilton Hilton burger ( they are HUGE) and went out on the boat...that was the best. Jill said it was better than a massage :) We went for a ride on our golf cart/beachbus, pictured above. A couple 12 ish yr old boys drove past on their bikes and said, "is that all the faster you can go?" So the race was on, because I had control of the wheel! We were weaving all over the road blocking them from passing, taking sharp turns. It was so much fun, and of course we beat them to Achesons and won!!!! Then we had a level 1 hurricane and the girls and I sat in the dry trailer while poor Paulie was saving our awning and getting drenched with all the water, but we sang "macho, macho man" out the window for him in support. hahaha. Then girlscout Jill and Levi amazingly got a fire started with NO accelerant on soaking wet wood. It was a fun time! GREAT WEEKEND!


Ok, so I am leaving for Texas next Monday & my appt. is on Tues. I will hopefully be able to post from there. I cannot wait to get away with Paul. We never had a honeymoon...so this will be a very good trip for us! No kids, just us. YAY! Should be fun. And I will be feeling really good, because I will be so far out from my last treatment.


I want to say hi to my sweet Poppa!!!! I had no idea you were reading this! I love you so much and I will come visit you guys when Levi is back in school. Also, thank you Carol for my mustard seed necklace...i love it. Love that verse! And a mountain has for sure been moved with regard to my cancer, thank God!!!!


Signing off for now, but Laura- I had so much fun SPANKING YOU in scrabble! Olive you girlfriend, you are the best! :)

Jenni and me!


I am back from the dead, at least for now. I am hoping today is better. I've had the life sucked right out of me. And I guess I wasn't expecting it to hit so hard, because #2 was so easy. To quote Forrest Gump (kinda), "chemo is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get." I am so glad I feel ok right now. It has been awful. Especially yesterday, it was Jessi and Levi's birthday and all I wanted to do was take them to Night Sky for a dessert and spend time with them. Couldn't do it. I couldn't do anything but lie there. Although I did manage to make them each a birthday card before they woke up, so mission partly accomplished :) My friend Angie took Levi for me and then she made them a yummy red velvet cake, she is SO SWEET!!!! Love you angie! And my other friend, Jenni W has stayed with me for 2 days, THANK GOD!!! She drove across country from Washington state with her daughter and dog...just to be with me for a month! She has been exactly what I have needed. I cannot put into words the love I have inside for her and the gratefulness I have that she has been with me through this. I can't imagine if she weren't here. Thank you John !!!! (her wonderful husband) John, you will never know what a gift your selflessness means to me! I don't know what I would've done without her! I cannot believe how my children have grown. Jess is so beautiful. I am amazed of the woman she has grown in to. Ahhh, I just love that baby girl to pieces! And Levi is 12!!!! Say what??? My baby...he's a tween. Hard to believe. He is so funny, that kid keeps me laughing. And he is so gentle and sweet when I'm not feelin so hot. I thank God for his little boy hugs. I am excited to watch him change & grow. But I am just horrified that he has to go through all of this though, at such a precious time, such a young & confusing age. Makes me so sad beyond words. I just ache for him & what he is experiencing. It is so hard as a momma, I cannot protect my kids from this. I guess all I can do is try to teach them how to handle things, and try to teach them faith, grace, and dignity. Anyway, no more "negative Nancy!" Enough of that! Then, this morning I started thinking about Ty..and I feel kind of panicked, he will be leaving for Ashland University Aug 11th!!!!!! That is less than a month! NO NO NO NO NO!!!! I am NOT ready! Not my little Bubby! Although I know he is ready & excited to go. lol. Normally his leaving would be all about me, falling apart, feeling like my life is over (thats what happened when Jessi left) but now, with this whole cancer thing, I am actually excited to be here and watch him spread his wings! Yes, selfishly I never want him to leave, I want to be a mommy with kids at home forever, but I am sooooooo excited for him and his life. Ty is a beautiful soul and I am happy I am here to be his biggest fan! I think it will be kinda awesome too, to have something to look forward to & be really excited about...him coming home to visit! We all need something in the future to be eager for! Jeez, I am chatty Kathy! I am going to go SEIZE THE DAY... I am going to take a shower since I have only had 1 since last Thursday. That is just disgusting!!! lol. Hope this good feeling lasts!!! And to whoever reads this...have a great day today!

(top left) my nieces Hannah and Sarah. (top right) my sisters; Terry, God rest her soul, Chris, and Lisa-in Chicago this past Dec. (left) my sissy jill :)

So, I feel much better physically than Thursday. But emotionally, that's another story. This whole process gets to me at times (chemo time) and I just become one big ball of a weepy, ridiculous mess! It's like a faucet gets turned on and I just cry....a lot. I hate it, because it's not me. And when you feel so bad, it is very hard sometimes to hold onto happiness, joy, and hope. Those are the moments I hate. That was me all day Thurs. and late last night. My poor hubby has to get up in a few at 5 am to work, and I lost it last night...stealing his sleep. My poor baby, going through this, AGAIN!!!! I still can't wrap my head or my heart around Terry being gone. Do we seriously have the same kind of cancer? Did she really die? It has all happened so fast. I miss her so badly. I want to see her beautiful eyes and infectious smile. I want to hear her laugh, and know that she'll be dancing at the next family party like she always did. I just want to hug her and never let go. The pain of losing her is so great. Here I go, crying again.
O.K. so I have to just say that TERRY, I AM FIGHTING THIS FOR US!!! I hope you hear me and know that I am trying to stay so strong and fight like hell, like you did. You are amazing and I love you!!!!!!!!!
I just have to say to myself, "Self, stop it! Stop being such a wuss, chin up, get your faith back!" It is so hard. Because I am so tired. I think the past 3 years is catching up with me. But, I do have to say that I am glad that I have something concrete I can fight head on. That whole dermatomyositis crap was way worse. That stole so much of my life, couldn't be outside in the sun, or garden/mulch/plant flowers, swim with my baby boy, work under fluorescent lights, shop at grocery due to the lights, again, go to church because of the lights, couldn't wash my hair because the water felt like it was scalding hot, couldn't dry off with a towel because the skin on my back and chest was so tender and painful. It was awful! Way worse than this cancer. I am not trying to be like....woe is me. Trust me, I know there are so many people out there with WAY bigger crosses to bear than mine, and I am thankful for mine. Thankful it's me and not my kids or husband. Just reminding myself of how I felt then....and praising God that getting chemo resolved all of that! Now I just have permanent discoloration on my face, but I can cover it with make-up! wohoo! No more purple and red raised, itching lesions! Don't know if any of you saw "Theres something about Mary," but I seriously was EXACTLY like Woogie. lol. Wasn't funny at the time...I felt like a crazed psycho scratching every few seconds all the time. Sure I looked like one too! And then there was the disseminated histoplasmosis in '08, which was also worse than this chemo crap. And God spared me and let me live. I do have so many blessings in all of this. I just have to remember them when I am feeling weary.
So, I am letting all this out, publicly, because I want my entire truth to be known. Not just the "rainbows and butterflies" side of me. THIS is cancer. It sucks! It is the biggest mind *#$*&%# ever! It is a difficult path. Sometimes it gets the best of me, but I have to remember....not to look in the rear view mirror for too long, or I could crash. And live for today. The truth is, we are all dying, I could get killed tomorrow by a bus....so I need to stop feeling overwhelmed with the future, today is all we know we have! That is just negative, wasted energy. Alrighty....I'm back baby!!!
One more thing, the pics above....got to give props to Miranda (not pictured), Hannah, and Sarah...my sweetest ever nieces. I cannot believe how you love me! I feel it every day when I get the mail!!! You are so dedicated to lifting my spirits with your beautiful artwork. Makes me smile BIG! I love you guys to the moon! TEAM EDWARD ALL THE WAY!!!!! yeah!
And my amazing, strong, beautiful sisters...I love you and find more comfort in you than you'll EVER know! Words cannot express how much I do love you! You know how they say blood is thicker than water? Well...my ass it is! Chris and Lisa....you are my sisters...to the end. God blessed me with the most precious Adducchio family...I am so very lucky to have you. (All of you Adducchios!) "A sister is someone to laugh, sing, dance, and cry with." I found my necklace Chris, won't come off again :) And we've done it all. ( Personally, I prefer the laughing, singing, and dancing. especially your"happy birthday" wretched singing lisa, hahaha)
To my sweet Jill, my "twin"...I am connected to you so deeply. I am so happy we look alike, sound alike, same mannerisms, think alike. It's crazy...the love we have. I don't know what I would do without you! You are always there for me, you pick me up, cry with me, hold me, keep me laughing. You have always been right by my side. You are my best friend, my confidant, a huge part of my heart. You drop everything when i need you, you are a second mamma to my babies. You are the most giving, loving, precious gift! And I thank God for you. Every day.

Isaiah 40: 28-31 The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding noone can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

AMEN


STUPID CANCER!!!!! YOU WILL NOT, I REPEAT, WILL NOT, CANNOT STEAL MY SOUL!!!! YOU CANNOT TAKE MY HOPE, MY FAITH, MY JOY I HAVE INSIDE FOR MY LIFE! OR MY LAUGHTER EITHER! TAKE THAT STUPID *&%#@#& CANCER BALL!!!!

ok. i am officially nuts! hahaha Oh wait, i already was! heeheehee

Jessica, Levi & Tyler


These pics were taken last month in our backyard in the rain. I had to post them today, they are the loves of my life. And that's what I am clinging to today. Been hit hard with chemo #3. Don't know when I will post again. Hopefully this won't last too long. God, give me strength & restore my soul. amen

MY SWEET
PAULIE!!!





I am sooooo lucky to be married to this man! Whether I have hair or am bald, he makes me feel beautiful...ALWAYS! It didn't matter to him when my face was so blotchy and red/purple (my patients were afraid for me to touch them-lol), or when my face was so swollen I looked, well, chinese, with my eyes so squinty, or when i grew my beard from the steroids and had as much back hair as the 40 yr old virgin did chest hair, hahaha. he just called me his little chewbaca and always said how beautiful i was. He tolerated all those long nights when I was so itchy and wore mittens to bed to try to stop scratching. He held me through countless mini breakdowns. He carried me when I couldn't walk. When I looked like a walking skeleton, he still looked in my eyes and said how beautiful I was. He hooked up my IVs and was my personal nurse. He has taken care of the house and the kids. He has been RIGHT by my side every step of the way through all of this! I could list soooooo many ways this awesome man has loved me...but I have to go to chemo! YAY!!!!

Sorry Ricky, I will try to post more. love you baby!

Damon.....you are the sweetest thing ever! Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers! My BFF is afraid to write a comment because she said you are like a gifted author, writing so beautifully. lol (its true) p.s. i love my new CD!!!

Amy Adkins...holy cow! I haven't seen you in forever! So good to know you are praying for me!! That cheer jump was for you, remember you beat me out for tryouts in 8th grade. hahahahaha. Oh, gosh, that makes me giggle. please keep praying. I hope you and your family are happy and healthy!! God bless !!!! p.s. keep in touch-so happy you read this!

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, today i got my pet scan results. and..........NO TUMORS OR TUMOR ACTIVITY IN ANY LYMPH NODES!!!!!!!! and the mediastinal tumor has shrunk hugely, and the "activity" of it went from 12.3 to 2.4!!!!!!

so...the video above is me dancin in the hood in dayton, i couldn't control myself. i had to get out and dance! two bystanders said, "go on girl....you gots it goin on baby!" HAHAHAHAHA

I AM GIVING A HUGE SHOUT OUT TO GOD! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR ANSWERING MY PRAYERS!!!!!! EVERYONE KEEP PRAYING, i still have a fight ahead of me. i have been putting all of my trust in him, and have been trying to surrender my body, mind, and spirit to him.....i asked him to use me for his will and to send angels to protect and heal me. so far.....so good! wow... i am OVERWHELMED with joy!

Jeremiah 29:11 (my favorite) "For i know the plans i have for you," declares the lord, "plans to give you hop and a future, to prosper you and not harm you!"

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!!!!! HAPPY 4TH!

I went, I saw..........
TERMINATOR JESUS!!!

My friend Jenni Wunderlich and I took a mecca to touchdown Jesus! hahaha!!! Hope chemo does to my cancer what lightening did to that statue! heeheeheehee! We went 30 mph to get this pic for all to see, think we made a few drivers a little mad. lol.

I can't write for long, still have to frost cupcakes for Levi's 12th b-day party. It's in 1/2 hr :) and as usual, i am not ready.

TOP 10 REASONS I LIKE ROCKIN IT BALD:

1. it takes 5 minutes to get ready.
2. i can drive with ALL the windows down
3. it's ok, actually, great to get caught in the rain!
4. it's a good sympathy card to pull to get quick service at certain stores (like verizon) haha
5. i have instant air conditioning
6. elimination of hair care products & salon fees.
7. NO MORE GRAYS!!!!!
8. it is funny to confuse small children in the public womens restroom! lmao!!!!
9. i don't have to shave anywhere anymore, except those damn chin hairs!!!
10. it beats the alternative....which would be one heck of a comb-over!!!

got my pet scan today...hope to post really great news soon! adios!