Wellllllll, what a weekend! My best friend, Laura, came to visit from the Akron area. We were so excited to spend time together and catch up. She arrived Friday night, with her son (Levi's best friend since birth) Connor. We were both tired, so we stayed in. Saturday...let's go window shopping! Laura has never been to Ikea, wohoo! We had plans to come home and take Levi to his football banquet, go to Sarah's housewarming party, church the next morning. We set out on I-75 southbound. Free from the boys, singing our hearts out to Dolly Parton's "Hard Candy Christmas," Clay Aikin's "Don't Save it all for Christmas Day," etc., feeling like fun, silly teen girls. Paul was to leave at noon to go to his nephew's 30th birthday party, we would be back by 1pm. The boys would be fine for 1hr by themselves, right?! So we get south of Dayton, dead stopped traffic for an hr, should have been our first sign to turn around and go home! But nooo, we can get there and speed shop. So after FINALLY getting there after much singing, we wonder through Ikea. I don't know if you have been there, but we are talking 2 floors, a mall in itself really. And, instead of following the arrows, we turn off to another section. Therefore, now we are lost. My cell phone rings, it's home. I am thinking, gosh, can't I just have a couple hours? So, I ignore it. It rings again, grrr. I answer, and on the other end I hear my little boy hysterical, can't understand him. Great, I am the worst mom ever! Oh my gosh, I am in fricking Cincinnati and Paul already left for the party. I call my friend Sarah who lives less than a mile from my house. She rushes over, Gus (our 3 legged amputee) had snapped at him and caught his bottom eyelid and ripped it all the way through right at the inner corner. THANK GOD FOR SARAH & ERIC!!! After turning white and gray, passing out a couple of times, and being clammy they rush him to the ER. Meanwhile I contacted Paul and he met them there. To make a long story shorter, we ended up at Childrens and having plastic surgery! His lacrimal duct was spared, thank God. The Dr. said it was 1/10th of a mm from being torn, which would have been very bad. So, now we have a tripod and a cyclopse! lol. That's Eric's line. Not really funny, I guess. But I was laughing all day yesterday, because I do have a little Stevie Wonder now. Levi "couldn't" open either eye, so he used a cane to feel his way around the house and I was also his lead/seeing eye companion. heehee. So, basketball season is now over for us and Levi is barred from gym/contact sports for 6 wks, ugh! That kid loves and needs to be physically active. But I'm just thankful that it wasn't worse. It could have been really bad. BTW, we think that Gus, who is the sweetest, most affectionate dog in the world, was just trying to warn him and protect himself. He hadn't had any pain medicine, and Levi went to lie down with him, must have hit his wound. Connor fessed up later that Levi had also been antagonizing Gus & rough housing with him. But, I am not cool with any aggression in a dog. So we are going monitor him closely, and any further change in behavior or signs of aggression then he is gone. They said in the ER it was not an attack wound, looked like nip/warning that happened to catch his eyelid. So we will see. I think Gussy will be just fine. And I think Levi learned a lesson. I have been telling him since Gus's surgery to leave him alone & quit being rough with him. And poor Laura~ drove all the way here to spend the weekend with her son alone at my house. My middle name should be drama! lol. So, I start radiation today, lung fungus is all better, yay! CT last week no changes, life is good! I feel so different this year in regard to Thanksgiving. I feel profound gratefulness for my many blessings! Happy turkey day to you! p.s. Don't do it...black friday is soooo not worth it! hahaha

GREAT news!!! The biopsy was negative for cancer! Thank you God! That would have been really bad. It came back as fungus...remnant of the histoplasmosis I had 2 1/2 yrs ago. So, I have to get IV treatments through my port for 2 weeks to beat it back down. Then repeat CT, then start radiation/tomotherapy 2 wks from this coming Monday. I was in tears when I found out that I had to do IV amphotericin again, it was awful when I had it before...and I was having a panic attack about pushing back radiation. I am in REMISSION and I do NOT want the cancer to have a chance to grow again! But, I was a very sick girl back then when I got it before and I have gone through massive chemo treatments, this is just a bump in the road! lol. Got my 1st treatment yesterday at MVH, wasn't so bad. Just felt like I had the flu, and this morning I feel much better. Home health is coming tonight to "teach" Paul to do the infusions. He's a pro already! I swear, I do not know what I'd do without him, he is such an AMAZING human being. He does it all; works, takes care of the house, yard, dinner, kids, and me! And is so sweet about it, never complains or acts tired of it. He is very loving and makes me feel so protected.Anyway, Lisa, Paul's sister, talked to me and got me back on track (emotionally). I have to get back to... trust the Lord with ALL of your heart! I am just soooo thankful it is not cancer! Enough on that! So, our baby Gus is doing pretty good with just 3 legs. And Levi is gearing up for football all star tournament next weekend in Troy. Tyler is doing well at Ashland, all though he needs to text me more!!! I hope you are reading this Ty! I know you are busy, but I miss you!!! And I am going to get a poster size picture of us that says "mommy & me"! It better be hanging in your dorm room like you promised. lol. Jessi is doing well, she got a supervisor for grad school next fall, awesome! It will take her 2 yrs to finish, I am so proud of her. My other baby boy, Zack is studying hard at BG (his Sr. yr.)...not! He is taking a walking class and some other BS classes. Makes me laugh. Oh, and I am in the process of making a princess crown cake for Karson, her 5th b-day party is tonight! Actually Paul baked the cakes for me last night because I felt so yucky. Thank you saint Paul! I plan to decorate it today sometime. I am so bummed that I will miss the party tonight :( I hope the cake doesn't end up looking dumb. I watch all the cake boss, ace of cakes shows, and I have a vision in my head...hahaha. But I don't have fondant or other necessary supplies.People will probably be like, what the heck? Maybe it is a good thing I can't go. lol. I am exhausted from all of this typing, nap time for my grandma butt! BTW, Amy Ritchie! wow, so good to hear from you. I hope life is treating you well! I just love to hear from old friends. And Deaton, I miss you so much, sorry I haven't made it out to Greeneville... I will, I promise! I love you & I hope you are happy at your new job! Can't wait to catch up with you :)

Biopsy done, cakewalk! I feel bad for Jill and Paulie...sitting with my drugged up self all day answering the same questions over and over and over again every time I would wake up. hahaha. Drove them nutty. And Gussy made it through his surgery without any complications. Went to visit him on my way home, poor little guy, he just laid there with his head in my lap and fell asleep while I loved on him. What a sight I'm sure...both of us were wobbly with drugged, droopy eyes. lol. But it did my heart good to hold him. Jess went to visit him tonight and I know it was just what she needed too. She was even joking about calling him tripod now. It looks so weird, he doesn't have a stump or anything, there is no leg or hip whatsoever. It is so sad, he had the cutest little sway when he walked. But, he is alive and won't have arthritis and chronic pain, and the vet assured us he will be able to run and play just as he did before. So, I am thankful to God. I really don't think I could've handled losing another dog right now. (We put my baby Maggie down Nov last year, she was my sweet baby girl for 9 years & it was very traumatic). I am beat, going to sleep now...my doodlebug (levi) is asleep on the couch next to me...he is so incredibly beautiful and he has been so very sweet the past few days...makes me happy inside :) Nighty night!

One more thing , Jessica's baby puppy, Gus, was hit by a motorcycle Friday afternoon. It was horrible and his left rear leg is destroyed. They are going to amputate it tomorrow morning clear up to his hip. I feel awful, I was the one to let him out to go potty. Jess is soooo sad. My heart hurts for her and for him. Oh gosh, can't think about it anymore.

Alot to report, but I don't have much time. I am back on the bipolar rollercoaster...LOL. Just kidding! Actually, I feel great. OK, going to keep this as short and sweet as I can. Went to IU, they said I have 3 options; 1. do nothing to wait & see how my cancer behaves (NO WAY), 2. procedee with tomotherapy/radiation, 3. they will do surgery to remove main left-over tumor/scar tissue. Only because of my age and prior good health. I chose tomotherapy, in order to try to kill it all now and if I stay in remission then we can do surgery down the road. Reason being that if I opt for surgery and cancer pops up again I cannot treat it until I am completely healed from surgery, and by that time it will probably have taken over. So, after painful and careful consideration, decision made, all is good. Then....BOOM, Monday I went to the hospital for left upper chest pain with inspiration, and I'm no wussy, it has to be really baad for me to go. CT showed no pulmonary emboli, yay! But it showed suspicious area (that looked like scar tissue on pet scan) in my left upper lobe that looks like cancer blob/chunk now. Soooo, I am getting up at 4:30 am tomorrow to go for a lung biopsy to check it out. Really doesn't matter....still doing radiation...but if it is cancer he will radiate the shit out of it! yay! But it will be nice to know exactly what it is. Could be histoplasmosis or inflammation too, but they think it looks an awful lot like cancer. I just want to hurry up and start radiation!!! Oh, and I am extremely excited...found out about a brand new procedure for cancer pts that were deemed inoperable. It is only in 16 cities nationwide and Miami Valley Hospital in Dayton is one!!! Hallelujah! (I am singing that opera style really loud, haha) It's called nanoknife. They just started doing it here Sept 2010. woohoo, woo-hoo-hoo! So after I get through this biopsy I plan to arrange a consultation, thinking maybe I could be a good candidate after radiation?!? Or, if not on mediastinal mass, maybe for any metastasis that pops up in the future. Just so happy there are advances being made that might save my life! Got to go, hope you had a great weekend. God be with you, peace out!

omgosh! Spent all day at Maimi Valley Hospital to set up tomotherapy...it felt like I was there forever. I don't know how I am going to handle going there every day for 6-7 weeks! With determination and joy I guess, because I live in a country where I can get this treatment and I have health insurance that will pay for it- $100,000!!! So, that's what is new with me. Tomo is an advanced form of radiation that will radiate my cancer sites with stronger radiation, and also the rest of my neck and torso with lower doses. The radiation oncologist is going to target my left neck, left clavicle area, under my sternum,the superficial skin above my clavicle, both armpits, and left upper lung with the stronger dose. Left upper lung because there is a suspicious area that may be the start of new cancer or it could just be inflammation. Gonna zap it to be safe. I was thinking, no biggie...but then they tell you all of the risks. LOL. So, he is going to carve out my esophagus and spine so hopefully they will be spared. But my thyroid will be wiped out, vocal cords(I will be raspy and sound like a dude), damage sweat glands which will cause problems with body temperature, and it may affect lung capacity (hopefully will not have to be on oxygen when it's done), also small chance it could hit my heart and increase risk of heart attack to 50%. Basically they are going to radiate my entire chest so I will be "sunburnt" from the inside out..everywhere. He said be prepared for a rough holiday season.Other than that....no worries. hahahaha. WOW! I thought the hard part was over. But I am really excited to do this!!! He doesn't know me very well...bring it on!I am the energizer bunny, ready to go and go and go...can't keep me down!BURN ME UP BABY! I want to destroy ANY little cancer cell that is left in there hiding! Oh, and I am going to Indiana University next wed, to see the leading thymic cancer doctor in the nation to make sure I'm not missing anything I should be doing.It was sooooo nice, I didn't think about cancer for a week, felt like I had my life back. But I am realizing that I do have my life back...all of the time! It's just a new way of life. The mental break from it over the past week really helps me now to see it differently. It is amazing how much bettter I have felt emotionally knowing that it is gone. Our minds have so much power over us. And I have to think about all the treatment crap like a list; go to grocery, wash car, get tomotherapy. And leave it at that :) Unfortunately cancer is part of me, but not all of me...so I am saying to myself, "self, get on with it girl! forget this cancer junk and LIVE!" I have spent 5 months consumed in it...but NO MORE! From now on it is on my to-do list like every other thing. I feel alive again! I don't sit and ponder all the what ifs. And it is soooo great! I am not wasting any more energy or time on this. I mean, I realize that it is all normal for what I am going through, you have to think about it all, how could you not? But now I am through it....thank you God!!!! So, I will still post medical updates and chronicle what it is like, how it's going, etc. But I just want you all to know that it is not the main focus of my life anymore. BTW...I am so very lucky, everyone who loves me...I LOVE YOU BACK MORE! ttyl. P.S. I am seriously thinking about a tattoo since I am allowed now. Jeremiah 29:11 I think,or maybe Proverbs 3:5, just don't know where to put it. Across my foot? wrist? But I do not think my wrist is big enough for that word. I can't do upper back cuz of dermatomyositis. What do you think? Ideas welcome! or I could get the celtic cross for sisters. Maybe both, i am so confused what to do, but I know I want one.

UTTER JOY AND HAPPINESS FILLS MY HEART AND IS POURING OVER! There are NO words to describe what I feel inside, I learned today that I have no active cancer anywhere in my body!!!! I am in complete remission and God is my hero for answering our prayers!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot even think straight, I am so overwhelmed, in a good, good way. The only way I know to describe it is this; when I knew there was a mass, but no diagnosis...I told Levi this was good, I promised him it wouldn't kill me, that whatever cancer was in there was going to fix all my other problems, I just knew it was lymphoma. Then, the day I was diagnosed I remember sitting on the toilet in the bathroom with Levi, and how was I supposed to tell my little boy that it was a bad cancer...but somehow I managed to get the words out. And he asked me if it would kill me with huge tears in his eyes, and I said I don't know, it is very rare and they don't know how to fix this kind. I felt like I was going to faint/collapse...I had lied to him. In fact, those were the very first words out of my mouth when we got the bad diagnosis, "I promised Levi this wouldn't kill me!" I was so distraught. So, the point is....today I got to go to his school and pull him out of class and tell him the awesome miracle that has happened for us, and he looked like he was gonna pass out and then CLUNG to me so tight for at least 3 solid minutes. Then we went to his classroom and announced the wonderful news, and all the kids were cheering and clapping. Time literally stood still and the earth just stopped for me! Best moment of my entire life!!!!!!! Thank you to every single person who prayed for us, IT WORKED!!!!!!!