Hi everyone! I just want to let you all know how things went yesterday...not so good. I don't know all of the details (don't really want to), but it appears the chemo pills I've been taking aren't working too well. I have tumor progression in my liver (substantial), new tumors elsewhere in my body, and the skull bone lesion has increased uptake (is more "active"). So last night I had a brain MRI to see better what was going on in my head...good news! The lesion isn't bigger or protruding into anything, it's just in the bone still and still small... which is awesome due to close proximity to the brain stem, which controls heart beating and breathing. Where the lesion is also contains all the cranial nerves and I was informed if they become involved I can have taste changes, double vision, drooping face, etc., and eye deviation! I just started laughing and asked the doc why can't I just get something easy??? hahaha. But that's me....drama all the time! Then Paul started laughing and said I might start looking like Crazy Eyes on the movie Mr. Deeds! bahahaha. Made me laugh and then I said, welll... it might be a good thing to be able to look at two people on opposite sides of the room at the same time. Could you imagine? hehehe. That might be the only cool thing about this whole deal! After deep consideration, we decided to do radiation (tomotherapy) to this site to prevent any of that craziness from happening. So tomorrow I am going to have a face mask (like freddy) made for the procedure. It takes awhile for him to plan it all out, so I'll probably start it in a couple/few weeks. I only have to get 5 treatments over 2 to 3 wks., yay! BUT (there's always a but!) the only downside is there is still a slight, slight chance of damaging cranial nerves, and-even worse- it will cause a 1-2 inch band of hair loss where the beams are pointed!!! And it is NOT in the area where I could just cover it with a head band :( Greeeat, now I'm gonna have a reverse hula skirt! Hopefully my new hair will start growing faster to cover it up! Or I guess I could just color that part of my scalp with a brown sharpie, hmmm. I'll have to get creative! So I feel good about all of that... but (again lol) there's still the rest of me, and I'm kinda running out of options. There was 1 research trial going on in Maryland that Dr. M called to see if I am a candidate, and it's not for me. So I have 2 IV chemos left to try. Only one really, I had 1 dose of 1 of them before and it kicked my ass... and didn't work. But (again) I have low platelets now, this time from my cancer filled liver, not from chemo. So I would have to get a decreased dose and I don't know how well I will tolerate it. So, that is where I am... decisions, decisions. When is enough enough?


I hope everyone can understand that this is a most difficult time for me, so please don't be offended if I haven't answered your texts & phone calls... I am trying to absorb it all and get through what I think might just be the hardest point in my life. Plus, if I did answer, you wouldn't know "who" you're going to get... haha. I am either sobbing, laughing, or a zombie at any given moment. But I know how much I am loved, and I thank you for all the love you're sending my way. It makes me feel so happy inside to read/feel so much support. It is tremendous and I feel every ounce of it, just please don't be hurt if I don't reply for awhile.

Btw... it is still a great day, every day that I am here is beautiful!!! my love to all!!!
jeremiah 29:11 ALWAYS!