One more thing , Jessica's baby puppy, Gus, was hit by a motorcycle Friday afternoon. It was horrible and his left rear leg is destroyed. They are going to amputate it tomorrow morning clear up to his hip. I feel awful, I was the one to let him out to go potty. Jess is soooo sad. My heart hurts for her and for him. Oh gosh, can't think about it anymore.

Alot to report, but I don't have much time. I am back on the bipolar rollercoaster...LOL. Just kidding! Actually, I feel great. OK, going to keep this as short and sweet as I can. Went to IU, they said I have 3 options; 1. do nothing to wait & see how my cancer behaves (NO WAY), 2. procedee with tomotherapy/radiation, 3. they will do surgery to remove main left-over tumor/scar tissue. Only because of my age and prior good health. I chose tomotherapy, in order to try to kill it all now and if I stay in remission then we can do surgery down the road. Reason being that if I opt for surgery and cancer pops up again I cannot treat it until I am completely healed from surgery, and by that time it will probably have taken over. So, after painful and careful consideration, decision made, all is good. Then....BOOM, Monday I went to the hospital for left upper chest pain with inspiration, and I'm no wussy, it has to be really baad for me to go. CT showed no pulmonary emboli, yay! But it showed suspicious area (that looked like scar tissue on pet scan) in my left upper lobe that looks like cancer blob/chunk now. Soooo, I am getting up at 4:30 am tomorrow to go for a lung biopsy to check it out. Really doesn't matter....still doing radiation...but if it is cancer he will radiate the shit out of it! yay! But it will be nice to know exactly what it is. Could be histoplasmosis or inflammation too, but they think it looks an awful lot like cancer. I just want to hurry up and start radiation!!! Oh, and I am extremely excited...found out about a brand new procedure for cancer pts that were deemed inoperable. It is only in 16 cities nationwide and Miami Valley Hospital in Dayton is one!!! Hallelujah! (I am singing that opera style really loud, haha) It's called nanoknife. They just started doing it here Sept 2010. woohoo, woo-hoo-hoo! So after I get through this biopsy I plan to arrange a consultation, thinking maybe I could be a good candidate after radiation?!? Or, if not on mediastinal mass, maybe for any metastasis that pops up in the future. Just so happy there are advances being made that might save my life! Got to go, hope you had a great weekend. God be with you, peace out!

omgosh! Spent all day at Maimi Valley Hospital to set up tomotherapy...it felt like I was there forever. I don't know how I am going to handle going there every day for 6-7 weeks! With determination and joy I guess, because I live in a country where I can get this treatment and I have health insurance that will pay for it- $100,000!!! So, that's what is new with me. Tomo is an advanced form of radiation that will radiate my cancer sites with stronger radiation, and also the rest of my neck and torso with lower doses. The radiation oncologist is going to target my left neck, left clavicle area, under my sternum,the superficial skin above my clavicle, both armpits, and left upper lung with the stronger dose. Left upper lung because there is a suspicious area that may be the start of new cancer or it could just be inflammation. Gonna zap it to be safe. I was thinking, no biggie...but then they tell you all of the risks. LOL. So, he is going to carve out my esophagus and spine so hopefully they will be spared. But my thyroid will be wiped out, vocal cords(I will be raspy and sound like a dude), damage sweat glands which will cause problems with body temperature, and it may affect lung capacity (hopefully will not have to be on oxygen when it's done), also small chance it could hit my heart and increase risk of heart attack to 50%. Basically they are going to radiate my entire chest so I will be "sunburnt" from the inside out..everywhere. He said be prepared for a rough holiday season.Other than that....no worries. hahahaha. WOW! I thought the hard part was over. But I am really excited to do this!!! He doesn't know me very well...bring it on!I am the energizer bunny, ready to go and go and go...can't keep me down!BURN ME UP BABY! I want to destroy ANY little cancer cell that is left in there hiding! Oh, and I am going to Indiana University next wed, to see the leading thymic cancer doctor in the nation to make sure I'm not missing anything I should be doing.It was sooooo nice, I didn't think about cancer for a week, felt like I had my life back. But I am realizing that I do have my life back...all of the time! It's just a new way of life. The mental break from it over the past week really helps me now to see it differently. It is amazing how much bettter I have felt emotionally knowing that it is gone. Our minds have so much power over us. And I have to think about all the treatment crap like a list; go to grocery, wash car, get tomotherapy. And leave it at that :) Unfortunately cancer is part of me, but not all of me...so I am saying to myself, "self, get on with it girl! forget this cancer junk and LIVE!" I have spent 5 months consumed in it...but NO MORE! From now on it is on my to-do list like every other thing. I feel alive again! I don't sit and ponder all the what ifs. And it is soooo great! I am not wasting any more energy or time on this. I mean, I realize that it is all normal for what I am going through, you have to think about it all, how could you not? But now I am through it....thank you God!!!! So, I will still post medical updates and chronicle what it is like, how it's going, etc. But I just want you all to know that it is not the main focus of my life anymore. BTW...I am so very lucky, everyone who loves me...I LOVE YOU BACK MORE! ttyl. P.S. I am seriously thinking about a tattoo since I am allowed now. Jeremiah 29:11 I think,or maybe Proverbs 3:5, just don't know where to put it. Across my foot? wrist? But I do not think my wrist is big enough for that word. I can't do upper back cuz of dermatomyositis. What do you think? Ideas welcome! or I could get the celtic cross for sisters. Maybe both, i am so confused what to do, but I know I want one.

UTTER JOY AND HAPPINESS FILLS MY HEART AND IS POURING OVER! There are NO words to describe what I feel inside, I learned today that I have no active cancer anywhere in my body!!!! I am in complete remission and God is my hero for answering our prayers!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot even think straight, I am so overwhelmed, in a good, good way. The only way I know to describe it is this; when I knew there was a mass, but no diagnosis...I told Levi this was good, I promised him it wouldn't kill me, that whatever cancer was in there was going to fix all my other problems, I just knew it was lymphoma. Then, the day I was diagnosed I remember sitting on the toilet in the bathroom with Levi, and how was I supposed to tell my little boy that it was a bad cancer...but somehow I managed to get the words out. And he asked me if it would kill me with huge tears in his eyes, and I said I don't know, it is very rare and they don't know how to fix this kind. I felt like I was going to faint/collapse...I had lied to him. In fact, those were the very first words out of my mouth when we got the bad diagnosis, "I promised Levi this wouldn't kill me!" I was so distraught. So, the point is....today I got to go to his school and pull him out of class and tell him the awesome miracle that has happened for us, and he looked like he was gonna pass out and then CLUNG to me so tight for at least 3 solid minutes. Then we went to his classroom and announced the wonderful news, and all the kids were cheering and clapping. Time literally stood still and the earth just stopped for me! Best moment of my entire life!!!!!!! Thank you to every single person who prayed for us, IT WORKED!!!!!!!

p.s. I hate that my post kicked off my wonder woman pics and story...so if you haven't seen it, view older post. hahahahahaa, still making me laugh!

I am having a glass of wine, well, two actually. I cannot go to sleep. I am so excited to get my PET scan results tomorrow!!! Just said prayers with Levi and he asked God to make my cancer go away. Ditto Doodlebug! It's funny, I figured I would be nervous/anxious about it...and I have felt amazingly peaceful-until about 1/2 hour ago. lol. I am not scared at all! Ready to find out the damage I did with all of that unbearable chemo. So, statistically, if the tumor is the same size we've done awesome keeping it at bay (because it is so aggressive). But, I believe in miracles and I am feeling tremedous faith that the %$#+%@&* tumor is about gone! And whatever is left I will annihalate with radiation. Whatever tomorrow brings...I am thankful because my life is soooo sweet! I have never felt so much love before this journey began, so in a very sick kind of way I am grateful (partially) to have had my eyes opened to the real meaning of life. I always knew it intellectually, but now I KNOW it in my heart, huge difference. I love every moment that my eyes are open, every smile, every hug, every touch, every act of kindness, the smell and sight of this beautiful earth, laughter, intimate moments with friends and family, the excitement of holidays and seasons changing, blah blah blah...I could go on forever. You get the point, it's about RIGHT HERE...RIGHT NOW! Contentment with this very moment, not needing to improve or change anything, just soaking up life and love. OK, now I sound like an Oprah guest, but it is so true, when you could lose it all, the world becomes a different place, so new and precious and amazing! I think as we grow up we forget the basics. So my goal in life is to never grow up! See the world through the eyes of a child; they don't worry about money, how their hair looks, their weight, what else they need, or the future, they just go with the flow every day. Very cool! So no worries for me...it's alllllll good! I hope you LIVE OUT LOUD today! I will update tomorrow. God bless us ALL!

ok...so here is the story, we finally got Dr. M. to crack up!!! YAY! Jill and I decided, well, I convinced her, to dress up like wonder woman and super girl for my appt. before my last treatment. We were posing when he walked in and I stated," We are here to battle cancer with the last round of chemo!" It was freaking hilarious!!! He opened the door and took a step in, I made my declaration, he slowly backed up and closed the door. 2 seconds later the door reopened and Dr. M. walked back in and LAUGHED OUT LOUD!!! Jill and I high fived eachother...we got him! Top right pic is Jill & I trying on our costumes the day before...we had so much fun running around in my back yard playing Diana Prince, AKA Wonder Woman! hahahahhaa. Then we got there with our coats on, ready to change finish changing in the room and Jill was trying to back out on me. She was like about to have diarrhea she was so nervous about doing it. I was like, whatever!!! She wouldn't break character the day before, I knew she was loving it! Then, Dawn, top left pic, asked us if we were gonna flash, I assume because of the coats in 90 degree weather. HAHAHAHA, I am so sure Dawn! As if we would do that! She was cracking up when she saw the outfits. Thank you Dawn and Patti (nurse in bottom pic) for helping us set up and doing wigs and taking pictures! IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! I think I earned myself a mental health referral! Then Jill and I walked back to the treatment room to inspire all the poor patients that were hooked up to their chemo. I truly think people think we are nuts! lol. Any hooo... I have to go, going to see my baby Ty today! So excited! Will write again soon. Love to all!

i made it through round 6!!!!! out of bed for 1st time tonight. my head still feels "swimmy" and i am weak, but i made it! i cannot describe in words the joy i feel to be done! get pet scan oct 13th, and start radiation sometime soon. i have pics 2 share, but this is all the energy i can do now. so i will write later. Praise to God for his many blessings!we are all so lucky to be here. love & happiness to all of you!!! ps jill is my savior thru this! i love u sissy!