What a difference a week makes! ....and getting off chemo, lol. Wow, I cannot believe how bad I was feeling and I didn't even realize it. I am normal now- I just wake up, make coffee, get moving, do chores, etc. without having to think about it and try to talk myself into it! (and then end up not accomplishing a single thing except getting better at my remote control without looking at it). That is pretty pathetic- my remote has become more like another appendage that I use as if it were another hand with fingers. Don't even use my brain, it's automatic. Now I do not even feel like watching TV at all.... what a waste!

Anyhooo... I want to let ya'all know my medical plans and then I am done talking about this dumb cancer, what a waste! Ok, so after much contemplation I have opted to skip the radiation to my lower skull. From my understanding the area is small and not growing as fast as the liver tumors, and I don't want to take the risk of hitting any cranial nerves when I am completely asymptomatic. Plus... (I know this may sound really morbid to you, sorry- it's the nurse in me lol) maybe this thing by my brain stem is a blessing in disguise. If, and I repeat...IF this cancer does kill me, rather than wasting away from little tumors taking over everywhere... maybe one big blow to my brain stem would be better for me and all involved, hahaha. quick please?!? Now, on to the chemo decision. That has been a tough, tough one. I talked to Paul, as well as each of my kids and the consensus is just stop that crazy nonsense! Especially with the difference in me from last week to this one. I am telling you, I am a completely new person! I feel alive again! And it feels so good. BUT... at the same time this is the only one I haven't tried, and maybe it could stop that dumb cancer for awhile??? I have to give it a try. Trust me... I am not excited about it. My hair can fall out again and that's my biggest thing, I DO NOT NOT NOT want to be bald again! It feels so wonderful not to be stared at, receive pity looks, etc. I just want to be seen for me... not what chemo has done to me physically. And I love feeling like a woman again, not gonna lie. Call me vain, I don't care! But I guess the more important thing is (cue the music)... "I get knocked down, but I get up again, YEAH!, you're never gonna keep me down!" hahaha. I just sang that outloud while I typed it, I am so silly. So, I have to try it! Dr. M is going to do a dose reduction since I have had so much chemo and I'll see how this week goes. If it's bad... game over... I am done. NOT done fighting cancer, just done poisoning my body. I will try new ways to continue to battle (diet, exercise, mindset, etc). Because ya know, I want to live my life feeling happy, being me... full of energy & smiles. This bag of bones wasting away on the sofa is not me!!! At all!!! By the way- I have gained 5 pounds in 1 week! Yeah! It is like I have come out of a coma, and I was starving! I can't quite stuff enough food in my face, I'm so hungry constantly.