Well, I just read what i wrote this morning... and I am sorry for cursing like that. So, that was Sybil (my alternate personality)... I am back now. lol. I feel so much better. Jill and I took the boys to the pool and it was a beautiful, sunny day, for which I am so thankful. Summer and the sun make it really hard not to have a good day. I got all of that out this am, then I was like... ok janet, don't waste a day... on with it. I have to not think about the future. It's funny, I have such an easy time leaving the past in the past. But it's much harder to only live in the present. But today I feel great, like I said- it doesn't even feel like I have cancer, so I'm gonna roll with that... just kinda pretend I don't. I am going to try my best to absolutely enjoy every moment I am given. And that won't be difficult at all! Levi is out of school for the summer, yay yay yay! And little Wyatt will be here in a couple of weeks! LIFE IS GOOOOD! And ya know... there are so many ways this could be worse... my kids, husband, family, and friends are healthy! I would rather it be me ANY day rather than them. What about people who can't have children, or lose their children, or many other worse scenarios out there that other people are living and suffering. And like I said, I feel totally normal, so that is truly amazing and awesome. Update; I am not going to take this lying down... so I go to IU in Indianapolis tomorrow to see the thymic cancer guru in the nation- we'll see what he has to say/offer, and then Monday we are traveling to Pittsburg to a liver cancer center. They got me in so fast- thank God. I will not give up hope... I REFUSE!!!! And I will not become some pathetic, depressed Debbie Downer chic either! Chin up high... let's roll! Cause I don't have time for this crap, need to get it fixed! There's always a first to be cured from something, right? I pray it's me! And until I'm dead... I believe it can happen! I will continue to hope beyond hope and trust God with ALL of my heart. I will not lean unto my own understanding (prov 3:5) but live on blind faith in His plan for me and all of us.