What a day today! I woke up so happy, ready to accomplish the world. I tried to work on my budget... after 3 hours of trying to download some kind of table or spreadsheet (that wasn't working out) I was growing quite frustrated and stressed out. And really, who wants to stare at their bills for that long? hahaha. I also forgot to take my pain pill, so the chest pain started again. For those of you who don't know, I went to the hospital Monday for chest pain, and that doesn't describe at all how bad it was. I was begging God to get me out of my body... it felt like I was being stabbbed in the chest (we're talking 7 hrs of this total) with every little breath or movement. Ends up I have pericarditis and a pericardial effusion (fluid around my heart & heart lining inflamed probly from a virus because I also had NO immune system, my counts were just about zero). Anyhoo, then I got into my car, stepped on the gas, and as I was turning/ backing up I crashed into Jessi's new car! Really? Did that just happen? I did a good job though... my car was rendered undriveable! Which was fantastic for my Dr appt that I was clearly going to be late for now. So, after saying alot of really bad words- I mean real bad, kicking the driveway, crying, and having diarrhea- because this isn't the 1st time I've wrecked my car this way :) and how in the world am I gonna tell Paul I did it yet again............ I quit for the day. I was just done. I took a shower before my appt and just sobbed, didn't even really wash myself. Just stood there crying for like 5 minutes. I know I'm always preaching to look at the bright side, blah, blah, blah... but I just wanted to crawl in bed and go back to sleep.
BUT, there is a silver lining here... I needed to get my car looked at because the left front side/wheel was shaking... was probably something pretty expensive so I've been putting it off... and because I was turning while backing out (at a high rate of speed) I happened to smash my ENTIRE left front side, including the door, front panel, tire! So, my theory now is that it was a blessing in disguise... it'll only be $250.00 for my deductible, instead of possibly hundreds. hahaha. I am laughing now, but it surely was not funny earlier.
Anyway, just wanted to update you that my appt went SO good! My blood counts are back up... actually in normal range! woop! woop!Thank you neupogen shots! So I am fricking outta isolation! Thank you Jesus, I couldn't stand one more second of that damn mask! I had holes in the dumb things from licking them constantly to poke them out of my mouth. My plateletes are still dropping really low, but whatev... can get a transfusion for that- easy fix. My point to all of this is... the chemo I got last Mon (Alimta) has officially kicked my ass. I have no bone marrow reserve and cannot tolerate it... so THANK GOD IN HEAVEN I got the new chemo pills or I'd be sol without a paddle right now and have absolutely no options to keep fighting. And THAT is my silver lining today too.... I was totally letting dumb, nonimportant "stuff" overwhelm me and got all stressed out (which is usually so not me). When really, all we can control is our reaction to life/people/circumstances. So I'm back on track- carpe diem! It was actually really nice- Jess, Wyatt, and I had a nice dinner at Bob Evan's after my appt, talked alot. Then Sarah & Eric stopped by for a visit and we did some back deck sittin. And the bottom line is I am so blessed that I have those little pills in my hand (thank you anthem) and as soon as my platelets come up I can start to fight again! YAY! super duper YAY! I feel overwhelmed with thankfulness that I got em!
Sidenote..so when Levi dropped Tyler's less than 1 yr old laptop off the counter tonight and it doesn't work now, I just took a sip of my margarita and said.... "Don't say another word, let's just save that for tomorrow." LOL!!!
BUT, there is a silver lining here... I needed to get my car looked at because the left front side/wheel was shaking... was probably something pretty expensive so I've been putting it off... and because I was turning while backing out (at a high rate of speed) I happened to smash my ENTIRE left front side, including the door, front panel, tire! So, my theory now is that it was a blessing in disguise... it'll only be $250.00 for my deductible, instead of possibly hundreds. hahaha. I am laughing now, but it surely was not funny earlier.
Anyway, just wanted to update you that my appt went SO good! My blood counts are back up... actually in normal range! woop! woop!Thank you neupogen shots! So I am fricking outta isolation! Thank you Jesus, I couldn't stand one more second of that damn mask! I had holes in the dumb things from licking them constantly to poke them out of my mouth. My plateletes are still dropping really low, but whatev... can get a transfusion for that- easy fix. My point to all of this is... the chemo I got last Mon (Alimta) has officially kicked my ass. I have no bone marrow reserve and cannot tolerate it... so THANK GOD IN HEAVEN I got the new chemo pills or I'd be sol without a paddle right now and have absolutely no options to keep fighting. And THAT is my silver lining today too.... I was totally letting dumb, nonimportant "stuff" overwhelm me and got all stressed out (which is usually so not me). When really, all we can control is our reaction to life/people/circumstances. So I'm back on track- carpe diem! It was actually really nice- Jess, Wyatt, and I had a nice dinner at Bob Evan's after my appt, talked alot. Then Sarah & Eric stopped by for a visit and we did some back deck sittin. And the bottom line is I am so blessed that I have those little pills in my hand (thank you anthem) and as soon as my platelets come up I can start to fight again! YAY! super duper YAY! I feel overwhelmed with thankfulness that I got em!
Sidenote..so when Levi dropped Tyler's less than 1 yr old laptop off the counter tonight and it doesn't work now, I just took a sip of my margarita and said.... "Don't say another word, let's just save that for tomorrow." LOL!!!
p.s. Paul didn't act mad at all, but the poor thing has celiac blisters all over his face & I know it's stress cuz he has been so strict on his diet. He can try to act strong and hide it, but the body doesn't lie. God bless him... it's never a dull moment with me, and not in a good way, lol. I love that man and I hope and pray for some calmness around here before he has a heart attack! I better knock on some wood STAT!
Janet!! I'm glad to hear you're doing better. I was in the lab at the valley and the phone rang and I picked it up and they said they were sending some specimens up from the ER for Janet Adducchio and I thought ooohh nooo. I didn't want to ask Jess anything because of HIPAA but I'm glad they're getting things figured out! Also I just have to share my own car mishaps with you because maybe you'll feel better with a little laugh on my behalf! I wrecked my car in March and did $5000 worth of damage, all from hitting a freaking STOP SIGN because I missed my turned and tried to offroad in some wed dirt...it didn't work out. Then a few weeks ago, the day before we were leaving for our semi-vacation...I was leaving for work and didn't realize TJ's tow truck was parked in the driveway---so I come out of the garage and SMACK right into the tow bar...doing another $3000 of damage to my Jeep. Needless to say that was an awful morning--I about lost my sanity and drove in silence all the way to work--and EVERYONE could tell it was a "don't talk to Lindsey" sort of day!!! Yikes!! : )
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