Hello! I am feeling so much better today! Boy, yesterday was awfully tough. We went to my Dr. appt and "saw" the reality of my cancer progression on my pet scan... I am never looking at those again, lol. It's one thing to know it in your head... but to see your own body and all those stinking tumors filling up your insides, whew, it's a hard pill to swallow. And to hear the words, "it's about quality of life... blah, blah, blah." I HATE that phrase!!! Just hate it. Because I do so well living out loud and feeling really happy except when I get those damn scans. It is way better not knowing because I don't look (now that I have hair again- thank God) or feel "sick" at all! And that's the way I like it. I spent so much wasted, negative energy yesterday crying my eyes out the entire time at chemo. And it was the ugly cry, hahaha.I did good at my Dr. appt, but wow... when I walk into that stinking treatment room... and all those people lined up in chairs like a factory assembly line, looking frail and like they are dying. I just couldn't take it yesterday. I had to get up and go into the bathroom, where I fell onto the floor and sobbed and prayed. And when I got back into my chair I did ok, until I would look at Jill or Lisa, or when I would think. And that's not me! I refuse to give this cancer power over my happy little soul! That is who I am... happy-go-lucky, see the good in everything, spontaneous, fun, thankful... love my life. So that is where I am this morning, I absolutely refuse to grieve what "might" be. Proverbs 3:5... I trust Him with ALL of my heart, not gonna try to lean on my own undertsanding. amen. I mean... it is what it is, I can't control my destiny to a certain extent, and I am so totally blessed with a VERY good & happy life... so I choose to roll with that! I thought of the card Tim & Anne got me at the beginning of all of this... it said to be fierce. I loved that card and that word means so much to me. Fierce... I will be fierce about living my life to the absolute fullest! I am so lucky for how bad my cancer is that I have very little symptoms. Sometimes after I eat I have a little discomfort under my right ribs... but that's it! How awesome is that! I thank God every single day for feeling completely healthy. What an amazing gift, blessing. So.... thank you God again today... you rock!

I was so happy last night too... my brother David came over... it was so nice to hang out and talk. What a great way to turn the day around and end it on a good note. I also want to thank you- Sarah and Laura, I really don't know what I would do without you two! You are such treasures. You always know exactly the right thing to say to me to make me feel better. I seriously don't know what I would do without you. I am super excited, Laura is going to take a week off of work early September and spend it with me. I am so happy! I miss my girl so bad... and I desperately need her by my side :) yay!!! Then mid Sept. Paul Lisa, Phil, Levi, and I are going to Tops Sail Island in NC for an entire week! I want my other kids to go too... will have to see if they can get out of work/school. It was supposed to be just us 4 adults, but with how my health is- I want my babies (all 5 of them) with me too. I cannot wait! I love love love the ocean/beach! Although shark week is next week on TV, and they freak me out totally. And I just heard 2 very disturbing things... a little 4 yo girl was bitten by a shark recently in only 18 inches of water, and here's the kicker... Top Sail Beach is #3 beach for most shark infested waters! Someone may have been messing with me, I need to google that stat to verify! lol. Did I really pick that place? What was I thinking? Oh well, I don't really swim in the ocean, I just love to walk the beachline in shallow water and hunt for crabs at night, and collect shells. I think that just may be my favorite thing in the world to do. And I am super excited because the Ritz in Ft. Lauderdale gave us a book on building kick ass sand castles and a beach cookbook that we will for sure use in NC. Awww, I am thinking about Christine from there. She was so loving, a great lady. I will never forget her hug she gave me when we left. :) I need to send her an email.

Jill, Lisa, and esp Paulie... want you to know HOW MUCH I love you and I am so sorry for what you have to go through on my bad days, that is what pains me so, so deeply! But thank you for taking such good care of me and holding me up when I can't stand. How lucky am I to have people who love me so much! That's what it is all about, huh? Sticking together through everything. And even though it is so hard and feels unbearable at times, we have more good and happy times together than bad... and when you put it all together, it makes life so beautiful. All of it. Despite cancer, we are so blessed to have eachother and love eachother like we do. :) :) :)

Hope whoever is reading this takes the time to choose to be happy today and not waste time fighting, being angry, sad, or depressed. Be love, give love... always.always. always.

p.s. Laura, I hope you have enjoyed your reign as scrabble champion, but I will redeem myself... and you will NOT win again! I promise you. hahaha.