Good morning! I am so happy right now...I slept for 7 hours straight!!! I don't know why, but I've only been sleeping for 2-3 hours at a time. Thank you ambien! I feel like a new woman. So, it's early Sunday morning, I am having my coffee, all 3 of my babies are snug in their beds. I just love that they are all home right at this moment where they belong. I hate it that Tyler will be leaving in just a few hours. He is so beautiful and precious! I love that kid and am so proud of him. It did my heart good to see him and hug him, even if only for a short weekend. I absolutely love when we are all together, the 3 of them are hilarious, make me laugh. Almost always a good time when they get together. It's the best medicine in the whole world. It was funny, I gave Ty a haircut out on the deck and when he wasn't looking I removed the clipper guard and shaved a huge line of hair off at his belly button. Let me explain that he is a hairy beast. He has so much hair on his belly and especially his butt, it looks like he is morphing into a werewolf. Jess and Zack were out there and that girl cracks me up... she was taking hairballs and placing them all over his chest & trying to take pictures. She is such a comedian, every word that comes out of her mouth is funny. I was loving life, just listening to them laugh and joke. I can't explain the way they get along, they are like best friends, so close to eachother. What more could a momma ask for? So anyone reading this with young kids, teens... don't worry, one day the screaming and fighting will end. They will grow up and love eachother again. lol. I was always so afraid of them growing up & leaving home (don't get me wrong, I still want them to live here till they are 30) but I love them as adults. They are really good people. It's awesome to know & love them as friends now.

BTW... I was really excited that I had so many comments on here! I feel wierd blogging sometimes, because this has become like my journal, and it's all out there... I feel like it is so self absorbed. But I guess it's just my story right now, and if it helps someone kill some time, laugh, cry, be thankful for their precious time here, then ok! And it just makes my day to read the comments. Although it feels kinda wierd to hear that I am inspiring, are you kidding? I'm just a crazy nut with cancer. Just getting through it, like any of us would do. And actually, I was telling Paulie the other day that I feel like such a total wussy! I was going back in my mind to when he had cancer. Chemo has come such a long way, I am so lucky and thankful for the meds they have to help manage the side effects. They didn't have it down back then. Ya know, I sit here and complain when I get little hot flashes, cold sweats. But Paul stunk like roadkill and SOAKED the bed with his cold sweats, shivering with his teeth chattering & then burning up 2 minutes later. I complain that I feel so sick to my stomach and get carsick, but Paul was vomiting across the room onto the wall. I complain that my jeans are too loose, but Paul couldn't make it out of bed to get dressed & he was a walking skeleton. I complain I feel dizzy, but I oh so clearly remember how many times he passed out, the worst one was while he was in the shower. New baby crying in the other room, Jess & Ty standing in the hallway looking absolutely scared to death as I drug Paul's limp body out of the shower...naked, dripping wet, me shaking and yelling at him to wake up. Great, now I am crying. It was awful, and I can't believe what he went through to stay here with us. I remember one day he was lying in bed, half concious, and he whispered the words that he wanted to die. My poor baby. I so totally get it now, and I haven't been through 1/4 of what he did. So, HE is the one to be inspired by. Thank you honey, for fighting and enduring pure hell for me, for us. You are so amazing, so strong, so preccious. I love you Paul, thank you for teaching me about strength and what true love is. I am so freaking blessed. Gosh, I started out really happy & now I'm a blubbering fool. I guess because I never go back there, to those memories. To think about it is too much. But I'm glad I am thinking of these things, because I just got totally charged up for my final round. I have been contemplating quitting, in my mind, feeling like I can't do it again. But now I feel like wonder woman, or a wonder twin. Anyone remember that cartoon? haha..wonder twin powers, ACTIVATE, form of....a bull! I am gonna be a big strong bull, fighting mad, ready to charge and kill! And now I am holding my fist up with my magic ring as flashes of power are transforming me. Wow, unless you've seen that cartoon, you're probably thinking I am high right now. lol. Now I am laughing. OK, that's enough for today..feel like I just got out of a psychotherapy session. And I emphasize the word psycho. hahaha.

I will chat later. I LOVE YOU FAMILY! Thanks soooooo much for all the comments, love them! Hope you all have a beautiful, happy Sunday! God bless.